New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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