hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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