so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
A+ Viking dick
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
