I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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