I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
