If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize