I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
