he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
