dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
