Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
