Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This house was built for laser tag.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
