Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
