you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
