he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize