I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
