kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
