a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
