I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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