Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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