Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
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You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
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I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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