Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He uses pillows to masturbate.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
