Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
