'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
