I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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