ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
