I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
