Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We had sex on a dog bed..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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