my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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