Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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