what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
