Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if only i could text you this smell
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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