Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
