Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
