are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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