I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
