she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
