Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
