Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Congratulations! We have a period
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