So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
