I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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