Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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