i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
