the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
