we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
