so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
did i walk over a car last night?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just had sex on a roof
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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