Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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