Whod you bang
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
