WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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