Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
