Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Enjoy the penises
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
