dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
