is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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