I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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