i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
zippers are such a cool invention
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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