Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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