Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
