The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
