i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize