yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize
