At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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